


The Worst Kept Secret

by DimensionSlip



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 15:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11626317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionSlip/pseuds/DimensionSlip
Summary: Ed gains some unwanted insight on a certain matter.





	The Worst Kept Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeredu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeredu/gifts).



> Inspired by their [Winter Alchemist AU](http://jeredu.tumblr.com/tagged/au%3A-winter-alchemist/chrono).

From the get-go, Ed has decided that he didn't like Colonel Jade Curtiss. He may be one of the most intelligent state alchemists under the employ of the military, but the man, to put it frankly, is an ass and has the uncanny ability to get under people's skin, as well as the questionable ability to derive enjoyment from such an act. As very much evidenced by their far in-between interactions, which often came with a joke at his expense, usually of the short variety.  
  
So really, it surprises him to no end that someone out there is willing to deal with the textbook sadist that is the Winter Alchemist. With that someone being Mayor Peony Upala Malkuth IX, who, according to the gossip circles he swears he only pays attention to for useful rumors regarding the Philosopher's Stone, can pretty much have any lady he wants given his wealth and status.  
  
But seeing is believing, and an accidental run-in in the next town over proves to be a rather insightful experience on a matter that he'd confess he'd rather not have intimate knowledge of. "'Cause it's gross especially when that jackass is involved," he'd later tell Al.  
  
Still, there's no mistaking that gimpy bastard walking out of a bar and the man keeping pace with him. He honestly isn't sure what to be more amazed about--the fact that Malkuth seems to be able to tolerate the other's company, or the fact that he's hovering a little too close to Curtiss and is somehow living to tell the tale. Even more surprising, some might argue, would be the fact that Curtiss graciously allows himself to be led inside a car by Malkuth, whose grin is somehow even smarmier than the aforementioned.  
  
But whatever the case might be, business is business, and he finds himself trailing behind by foot, if only because he had business with the mayor and was on the way to the said person's house.  
  
...Which actually wasn't too far away, and kind of begs the question why Malkuth would bother taking the more expensive and slightly unnecessary route going there. Ed has an inkling of the answer, and isn't quite sure he likes the sound of it.  
  
Either way, Ed reaches the Malkuth estate about ten minutes before the appointed time, and about five minutes behind the ones who went by car. It isn't too long before he's ushered into an ostentatious study, where Malkuth was waiting for him behind a large, finely-crafted desk which looked like it cost about four months worth of Ed's state alchemist stipend.  
  
Much to his chagrin, Curtiss is taking one of the seats across the table and is currently grinning at him lazily. The annoying bastard had his arm propped on the table with his cheek lightly resting against his folded hand, looking like he owned the damn place.  
  
"A friend of yours, Jade?"  
  
Unfortunately, the grin seems to be unmissed by Malkuth, who is now throwing a curious look at Ed.  
  
"Oh no, I'm not that _short_ -sighted with connections, thank you very much."  
  
At those words, a knowing smile escapes Malkuth, whereas it takes every ounce of Ed's self-control not to transmute something in the room and/or hurl it at Curtiss. All three people in this room know who that pointed jab was meant for, after all.  
  
Regardless, Malkuth does--eventually--catch himself, and after exchanging pleasantries--a little forced on Ed's end--Ed reluctantly takes the other seat across the table, purposely avoiding Curtiss's eye as he regards Malkuth seriously.  
  
"They said you needed a state alchemist for something or the other?"  
  
"Ah yes..." Malkuth folds his hands and nods grimly over them. "There's a much pressing problem that needs the attention of an experienced one..."  
  
He takes a moment to fish for something underneath his desk, which happens to be a blueprint of sorts that he rolls on the table.  
  
“As you can see, I need someone to take care of my estate’s remodeling.”  
  
“...What?”  
  
His jaw drops at that proclamation. And as much as he'd rather not, he could see Curtiss smirking from the corner of his eye. After seeing that--far-fetched as it is given who his direct superior is--he wouldn’t have put it past Curtiss to have had a hand in landing him this particular job. Even with Malkuth’s initial surprise at noting how they recognized each other.  
  
“So this particular design goes here, and here… wait, are you listening?”  
  
Ed stops seething at a far-off bookcase long enough to throw Malkuth one of his dirtiest looks ever.  
  
“You don’t need a state alchemist for that.”  
  
“...Well, I’ll be paying you handsomely for your services," Malkuth shrugs, smile unwavering. "The one who recommended you mentioned that you needed the money," he pauses in thought, tapping a finger to his chin as if remembering something important, "to help repair a section of town that you messed up during that criminal chase a few days ago.”

“...Did Mustang put you up to this?”

“‘Mustang’...?” Malkuth blinks for a moment, before his eyes light up in recognition. “You mean Roy Mustang?”

Ed shoots him a glare which more or less says “who else”.

“Good guess!” He nods approvingly, then cups a hand to his chin in thought. “He mentioned he had a subordinate that’s strapped for cash at the moment and could use the cenz.”  
  
To which Ed slumps, fight drained out of him given he doesn’t have any proper argument to that. Except a pout, which he makes no show of hiding. While he led a relatively austere lifestyle, there’s always the matter of having to pay for damages given his rather… _hands-on_ approach when it comes to dealing with lawbreakers.

“Fine, whatever,” he says through gritted teeth, “I’ll do it.”

* * *

That said, the rest of his afternoon is spent discussing how to handle what Malkuth wants him to do, at least until Ed blurts out, “What is he doing here anyway?”  
  
Looking pointedly at the other person in the room besides the two of them, none too pleased. Jade had been listening in to their exchange, surprisingly with no snarky comment to throw into the mix, but at the same time, was making no move to leave.  
  
“Don’t mind him, he’s part of my property,” Malkuth says as he laughs, not at all bothered by the rude comment.  
  
“...Please refrain from such necessary comments around children.” On the other hand, Curtiss sighs, though there’s no bite to his usual brand of commentary.  
  
“Oh? Why so shy around your friends, Jade?”  
  
"I believe I said we weren't friends, Your Majesty."  
  
“And who’s making unnecessary comments now, huh?”  
  
In the meantime, Ed, the witness to this whole exchange, finds himself regretting asking the question, if only because Malkuth looked like he’s about to do something that wouldn’t be out of place in that harlequin romance novel Ed read on a dare. If not for the desk separating him from Curtiss, who didn’t look like he was about to mind what’s coming. Needless to say, this is how Edward Elric learned to excuse himself when such moments came and never to comment again on Curtiss’s presence around the estate. A good thing, considering how it’s quite foremost given that later on, he overhears from the servants around the place that Curtiss stays here whenever he’s around town.  
  
And coincidentally, during the next few days he’s to finish this job asked of him.  
  
In that vein, he probably won't admit it, but his prejudice against Curtiss may be due to how the other reminds him of a certain colonel he's more unfortunately familiar with. But at the very least, that other colonel, notwithstanding his tendency to send Ed to ridiculous assignments such as this, seems to have more restraint on certain matters. Or perhaps isn’t just getting laid in the same manner as these two in front of him seem to be.

Hopefully, Malkuth likes an elaborate gothic aesthetic, if only because that’s how Ed decides to roll when control was given to him over certain aspects of the designs around the place. He doesn’t stop there, and in the name of a state alchemist who performs well and beyond the line of duty, he erects a new statue in Peony’s garden, free of charge.

* * *

Once the initial surprise has worn off, Peony will be laughing at the mentioned object in the days to come. And it’s during one of those days that Jade wheels in and joins him in the garden, wondering what the commotion is all about.

Turns out that the object of Peony’s amusement is none other than a figure done in the image of Jade, complete with a rather exaggerated nose and some horns that wouldn’t be out of place on a devil of a kind.

“Ah yes… what an  _ interesting _ piece of architecture.”

It’s with that image in mind that Jade forces a smile, looking passably entertained to the casual observer. However, anyone who knows better is aware that this is the smile of a man who is plotting a fate worse than death for the person they had in mind.

* * *

Somewhere farther east, Ed lets out two loud sneezes as he walks down a familiar dirt road, much to the concern of his little brother, Alphonse.

“Are you alright?”

“Nah, it’s nothing.”

Ed effects a nonchalant expression, though by the way he rubs his nose vigorously, it’s almost as if he’s trying to stamp out a certain mental image caused by two old men he had the questionable pleasure of meeting not too long ago. In either case, he’s making it a point to avoid Colonel Jade Curtiss’s office for as long as he can.


End file.
